Scammed Again!

Scammed, really?. Ok. With great humiliation and shame, I admit to being scammed again.  It was horrible.  It was grim.  It went on for two hours into the night.  And it was totally unnecessary.  I will skip over the ghastliness of it.  What I want to talk about is what happened afterwards.

What should I do? By the next morning in shame, I phoned the bank and was put through to the Fraud Department.  By this time, I didn’t know who was genuine, and who was a scammer.  I was advised to go to my bank. (the scammers told me there was a staff member taking others’ money and that they were the Fraud Department). A lovely sympathetic staff member phoned the actual Fraud Department herself.  On the bank’s phone.

(Why come into the bank? I thought.  I heard later that the scammers had tried to impersonate me.) 

Fraud Department to the rescue. Still shaken and humiliated, once I was assured that it was actually the Bank’s fraud department, there followed a two-hour telephone conversation.

Training needed. Now, here’s where it gets interesting – being a teacher, I’m always fascinated in how people teach.  Including how they teach me.   The Fraud department never said “you should have known” or “why didn’t you just hang up?”. But they asked me to go through the step-by-step of the scammers’ conversations.  At each step they asked, “and how did you feel?” or “and what were you thinking of at this stage?”  “did you suspect a red flag when they said…” I thought through each question and answered as honestly as I could.  I was trying to understand it myself. 

Revelations. It was emotionally exhausting, but during this process, something was happening.  My humiliation was turning into humility, accepting  the why of the person I actually was, and the how.  That was it. There was much to learn.  That’s why the bank had to indoctrinate me into a culture of suspicion. 

At the end, they asked, “is there anything that explains why you allowed the scam? 

“Yes”, I replied.  “the lateness of the hour, their pressure of urgency, an incomplete understanding of how a banking system works, and being brought up in a culture of trust.” 

“Ah yes”, the bank man replied.  “I was brought up in the 90s and I learned to trust no one. Because that is the way it is”.

Really? Does it have to be?  In my precariously adventurous life in many countries, I have received so much help from total strangers.  On some occasions they saved my life.  And recently, I sent out a call for help for our rapidly-dispersing Asylum Seekers and was amazed at the swift response of support from total strangers.  People who cared.

Back to my shattered self after the bank interview:  sustained by two samosas from the Butter Market, I went out to face the Public. 

Discovery. And here something surprising happened.  Something which I thought had disappeared with the rise of excessive two-dimensional communication.  Something that, perhaps, went out with the culture of trust from my childhood? 

No.  There it was in abundance –compassion.  And sympathy.  Merchants, friends, strangers seemed to understand.  Some told brutal stories of their own.  Hard as it was to go through my experience, I am glad that I opened up to others and told my story.  I felt part of a community and was healed, affirmed by sharing it.

Now I am content to belong to the Community of the Scammed.  Have I learned?  Oh yes.  Will it happen again?  Possibly.  Probably.  I rather like my past vulnerable self. 

What do you think? How do we live freely, welcoming all who come to us, but NOT getting involved in scams? Are there any ideas that you can give to others? Comments section is waiting for you. 

Meanwhile, my past vulnerable self retreats to the kitchen for solace.

Slow Cooker Red Cabbage

Vegetarian — Vegan without the butter addition

There!  Isn’t it beautiful! Every time the organic food box brings one of these beauties, I hold it in awe – the most stunning veg I know!  But what do I do with it?  Here’s one answer, courtesy of BBC Foods – with a few of my own tweaks. https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/slow_cooker_red_cabbage_01386

It freezes well, and is a great accompaniment to pale, bland-coloured dishes, like macaroni-cheese.  A sort of sweet and sour dish, not really pickled.  Adjust the brown sugar and vinegar to your liking.

In a saucepan, warm a knob of butter (optional) and 2 tablespoons olive oil.  Saute a chopped onion until tender.  Add to slow cooker with 1 teaspoon cinnamon, ½ teaspoon nutmeg, a head of shredded red cabbage (white core discarded), 3 tablespoons soft brown sugar, 3 eating apples peeled, cored and diced, 100 ml (3 ½ fl ozs, ¼ cup) red wine vinegar.  Mix well.  Cook on low for 6 – 7 hours. 

Yumscious Additions.  When it’s fully cooked and still hot, add a little red currant jelly or cranberry sauce as well as a handful of raisins and let them puff up as the cabbage cools down. Mix well.   Then, at serving time, add crunchy walnuts.