(copied from my mobile phone)
447873587992. Hey mum, my phone has water damage that’s why I have this temporary number. Save my number when you see this with a reply.
Me: So sorry. It is so important to you. Take care my lovely. Have been thinking of you most of the day.
447873587992. My phone fell down the toilet, and now it won’t turn on now. All of my pictures and contacts are on there, I’m scared I might lose them. Such a pain
Me. That’s terrible.
447873587992. I’ve been having a nightmare recently with another issue as well
Me. Oh sweetheart, I wish I could take it away for you. Are you on your way home?
447873587992. My phones really messed up and my online banking has been frozen because of the number change, it’s the banks security policy or something and It’s just frustrating because I have an invoice for £1499.45 to pay and if I don’t pay it today there will be additional charges added, I can’t pay it now because I can’t access my online banking
Me. If M cannot pay it, let me pay it for you. Just give me the numbers and what it is for. Love, Mom
447873587992. Yes, could you pay it for me please? I will return it once I can use my online banking. It should be the day after tomorrow. I will forward you the details. Is that okayxx
Me. Yes, that’s fine.
447873587992. The invoice company are asking what bank the payment is being sent from as you’re paying on my behalf. Some banks tend to take longer than othersX
Me. [I give my bank’s name only.] Just tell me what it’s for. Shall I put your name in the reference blank?
447873587992. Thank you so much. It’s for a buy now pay later order I had. Payment: Personal Account, Payee name: Joshua Norton. Sort code 20-55-59. Account number 20788600. Just enter reference G83. Amount: £1499.45
Me:. I’m at my computer now, sending this through to my bank.
447873587992. I have checked the details they are all correct, let me know once done please. Thank you so much.
Me: Okay. That’s done.
447873587992. If you continue it will go through fine
447873587992. Did it go through
Me: not yet. Are you sure this isn’t a scam?
447873587992. Yes I am 100% confident this is not a scam
447873587992 I have paid here before multiple times beforex
447873587992 Is it through yet?
Me: The bank is just checking.
Me: Just security.
447873587992. I’m so worried. They will close soon and I still won’t have paid.
Then I had numerous conversations with the bank: the details of setting up a new account. The gentle questioning. The quiet voice saying, “I need to get affirmation from my manager. Could you hold on please?” And then a calm gentle voice from the [obvious] fraud department, asking “how have you been contacted? By text? Have you actually talked to your daughter? No? Well, we will hold off the payment until after you phone her on that new number and talk to her. I can guarantee it won’t go through.”
So I did and it didn’t. I phoned her real number. She was actually two doors away, fine, working from home.
What followed, of course, was my deep deep shame, the wish to cover it up, hide my stupidity, the ransacking of the brain, how could I have been so duped? As I scanned through the texts, I picked up MULTIPLE reasons why I should have been suspicious: she never calls me “Mum”; she’s so budget-conscious she’d never buy anything on time until she had scheduled the payments; she’d never let her phone go down a toilet. She’d never ask for a loan over the phone. In fact, she’d never ask for a loan. Besides, how ever could I miss such appalling punctuation mistakes? This wasn’t like my daughter at all. How was I so dumb to be so thoroughly taken in???
When I see it written out like this, it is so obviously a scam, once more I am filled with shame.
But, in trying to embrace the horrid experience now, rather than deny its existence, what could I learn? Why did I blindly believe? Why didn’t I think to check via telephone call? Why was I so consumed with getting a (purported) loved one out of intense trouble that I missed the obvious? Why did my heart ache for “her”? Why do I, and so many others pour out generosity of time and finances to make the life of their own as smooth as possible?
Above all, not WHY, but HOW did it happen?
Urgency was key. Constant goading and goading. The need for speed. The copied texts above were in reality a lot fuller than these, always pushing “is it through yet?” or “why is the bank taking so long?” I could feel “her” rising worry. The pressure was increasing at every message, so that there was no time to step back and reason, to allow the brain’s logic to filter through my heart’s spontaneous replies.
But more soul-shredding was the attack on the most vulnerable part of a relationship – love. Our love had surrounded and protected our children from the moment I knew I was pregnant. I would do anything to ensure that they were all right. I thought that this intimate bond was sacrosanct – respected and honoured from human being to human being. The NO GO area. But I was wrong.
I owe deep gratitude to my bank, thanking them for protecting the money that was for my husband’s nursing home care. Also, silent apologies to them for the frequent times in the past that I had wearied of their additional security restrictions. I am certainly glad the anti-fraud officer took over what my heart couldn’t release.
I’ve been waiting since last October to share this recipe with you. It comes from my beloved sister Anne, who has dementia. I want to honour her for all the recipes she has given me in the past. Measurements by a standard sized cup and the usual measuring spoons.
Ingredients: zucchini, courgettes, or marrow, onions, green and red peppers, salt, sugar, vinegar, turmeric, celery seed, mustard seeds, black pepper.
Grind 10 cups of zucchini. Grind 4 cups of onion. Grind 2 green peppers, and 2 red peppers (both seeded). Mix well. Add 5 tablespoons of salt. Cover with water. Leave overnight. Drain.
Over very low heat, bring the following to simmering point, uncovered: 4 cups sugar, 1 tablespoon dry mustard (mustard powder), 2 ½ tablespoons vinegar, 1 tablespoon cornflour (cornstarch), 1 tablespoon powdered turmeric, 2 teaspoons celery seed, 2 teaspoon mustard seed, ½ teaspoon black pepper. Ensure that the sugar is dissolved.
Add drained veg. Simmer about 5 – 10 minutes. Store in sterilized jars, in a dark cool place away from frost, to allow the flavours to hold hands.
Best in six weeks if you can wait that long. Hmmmm. Next time I may grind in a couple of fresh chillies.
Good with mayonnaise, and whizzed into salad dressings, burgers and grilled things, and slipped under the cheese with a bit of wholegrain mustard for your cheesey toasts!